Black People Don't....(My new baby)

SO... I started a new blog.

(Don't worry...I'm still keeping this one.)

It's more of a "review of the world through the eyes of a black woman with disposible income" kinda thing.

...if that makes any sense.

Anyway, if you're a fan of this blog (all three of you) check out the new one and let me know what you think.

The easy way to get there, click on my profile and you'll see a link.

The hard way... cut and paste. (Amazing. THAT is considered HARD. Damn I'm lazy.)

http://www.blackpeopledont.blogger.com

-Nye

I Am Not My Hair

This is what my hair looks like today. No lie.

Now, everyone says they like it. (Everyone at work, that is...but to say I'm a nappy headed ho is an HR offense apparently...)

But I have a feeling, had I been rocking a white ruffle shirt and a long purple overcoat, the laughter would begin.

It's fine. I didn't have time to style the INSANELY tight curls this morning without calling in sick.

I pulled them though.

And pulled. AND PULLED...and at first...I looked a bit like her...

...but without the fragile church body.

So I pulled some more. And suddenly...I saw the clock.

I had two minutes to make my train, and I looked like I was about to whup Charlie Murphy's ass in basketball and then serve him pancakes. (If you don't get that reference, shame on you. I already gave you one of the funniest comedy clips in history. Hath you no cable?)

Suddenly...I remembered the number one rule of fashion...

Fake it.

And with faking it means walking a certain way...you know. The "I'm the shit" way.

And suddenly, heads turned.

Now, it could have been the attitude...

Or the crazy amount of cleavage I had bouncing, which I didn't notice till I sat down on the subway and happened to look down.

I'm talking, Victoria's Secret..Very Sexy Demi Push Up type cleavage.

And it was bouncin all over the place.

And above hair...men like tits. Actually, everyone likes tits.

So back when I was 21, and I dyed my hair platinum blond, I thought people were staring at me because I was...well...black with platinum blond hair.

Nope.

It was because I had my tits hanging out.

And when I cut it all off, and got a blunt bob...I thought it was that.

Nah-uh. Nor when I put cold "Missy Misdemeanor Elliot" waves in it, (though I was going for Josephine Baker...)

...nor when I rocked fake blond dreads.

Or braids down to my ass.

Or an afro like Florida Evans.

Or a relaxed layered look.

Or a big natural curly...thing...a la...Scary Spice.

All that matters to people who don't know you upon first meeting...are tits and a smile.

That's it.

And if I were Reverend Run, I'd type that shit in my Sidekick while I sank into my bubble bath at the end of the day...cuz it's the truth.

Example...

Dolly Parton's hair looks like shit. Always has. However...

I'm sure I could come up with more examples, but I'm pressed for time.

The point is, my best friend has big tits. Big ones. And long hair.

And though her hair gets complimented on constantly, her tits don't...but she gets to cross the street AGAINST the light, regardless of whether her hair is out and flowing up pinned up.

Don't wonder why. Don't play games with me.

So ladies, I'm not saying this because I was initially insecure about my hair...OK. That's a lie, I am saying it because I was initially insecure about my hair.
However, my insecurities benefit YOU.

Why? Because you have tits*. And your hair really doesn't mean jack squat.
It really doesn't. And once and for all...say it with me...

WEAVES ARE BAD. Just watch "Charm School". That'll set you straight.

If you're going to fake anything ladies, let it be the tits.

You're welcome.

-Nye

*If you don't have tits and look like you have two backs, I'm sure you have ass.
If you don't have that either...wow. You just might be screwed.

Habitual Line Stepper

So I threw a Cinco De Mayo/Fight Party.

I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing...In Perfect Harmony...

<em>I recently posed this thought to you guys ....

On Will Farrell’s website “Funny Or Die”, I came across this.

http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=96369ab93e4f3bb068c2

Now, I’m not going to lie… I thought it was funny.

I even forwarded it. But hours later, I started to feel a bit conflicted as to why I thought this was funny.

Was it just funny, and I was thinking too deep?

I laughed it off as having my having a warped sense of humor, (because I thought the clip a friend of mine sent me about some dude in a mask running up to women and pulling their tube-tops down was hysterical…but that’s the 14 year old in me.)


Anyway…I started to think about this because hey…let’s face it….



If this was about black people, I might be pissed off….UNLESS it was on Chappelle Show. Why? Cuz Dave has a “black pass”. (BTW…“Mind of Mencia’s “Stereotype Olympics” crushes Chappell’s “Racial Draft” like you wouldn’t BELIEVE…)

Double standard? Hell yeah. But does this doubled standard confine me to only laughing at racially offensive jokes when it’s about my own, or does the double standard give me liberty to laugh at everyone? Do I get an “honorary Latino pass” because most of my siblings are half Latino?

Slippery slope, huh? A little thing I like to call the Imus Conundrum. (Where are the Archie Bunkers and George Jeffersons when you need them?)


Anyway, I’ve blind copied as diverse of a group as I could to get your take on this one. Black, White, Latino, Asian, Jewish, gay and straight…(yeah, I know a lot of people. LOL…)

But since it’s not about blacks…I thought the shit was funny…but for the same reason I think the following joke from Whoopi Goldberg is funny…

A black baby dies and is suddenly finds himself with wings. So as soon as he learns how …he starts flying around Heaven.

He’s just having a ball…doing loops, dives, speeding up, slowing down… just loving his new wings.

He asks to see God, and when he does…he flies before God and asks…

“God…I have WINGS! Am I an angel?”

God rolls his eyes and says, “No Nigga, yous a bat.”


Anyway…watch if you get a minute and comment if you get a minute.


Watch and if you have a moment, give me your thoughts…. AND, if this was on “Mind Of Mencia” would it be funny?



PS. For me, you can put any stereotype in here and it would work.

Stereotype + Making Someone’s Life Easier =’s Comedy

A Nigerian Scandal Think-tank that helps corrupt companies like Enron… “Running out of money-grubbing shady ideas? Tired of pesky employees wondering where their 401k money is going? Introducing the “Nigerian Hustle-o-matic”…from the makers of the “White-Privilege Badge”. Here’s how it works….

Or…

A Travel Middle-Eastern buddy that helps you get undivided attention from flight attendants…

(Tired of being ignored by your flight attendant? Introducing “Travel-Arab”, from the makers of the “Oh No He Didn’t – Sista-Girl Conflict Resolver”. Travel-Arab will insure you NEVER get ignored by a flight attendant again…here’s how it works….”

I could do this for DAYS…

What does that make me?

Here's what I got back....

A Black Woman:

The thing with comedy, is that there's some truth to it and that's the part that stings.

Lower class Mexicans might not find the Humor in that video clip, Upwardly mobile Mexicans may find it funny and then there's the Al Sharpton Mexicans who think its racist and might want to March in front of the station but only if they have their Green cards and what kind of March is it with only 3 people marching...You feel me (was that a racist comment or truth)? If you are in a group of oppressed people, who are afraid to speak out. Then this will, I'm sorry to say...Continue to happen. We saw the same in justices 4 Centuries ago, Hell we were the Mexicans...

I think Imus's comes in all shades and many are still in front of the Microphone, he was just a scapegoat. Star & Buck Wild had a White girl on there show, that they referred to as white girl. Now what kind of nonsense is that?

This is a country that boast about having "Freedom Of Speech" but these days the speeches need to be proof read and approved. What kind of foolishness is that, can someone tell me?

All that is to say, I thought the Video clip was funny but when will a joke go to far...Just ask your buddy Imus!

A Black Man:

I think the clip is funny, but again it goes back to who is telling the joke and if they really feel in their heart of hearts that Mexican people are inferior.

I feel the problem with racial jokes is what they reinforce to people in decision making positions, and the impact they can and do have on children.

Ok-

That shit was funny…

Wrong and inappropriate like Imus?- yes

Racially insensitive- yes, probably

Will the Immigration society (or [Mexican Friend]) find it humorous? NO.

BUT- you have to look for it to see and hear it… not visible to the naked eye, and too ambiguous of a group of people to blame.

It’s interesting.. walking the very fine line of entertainment and offensiveness is never anyone’s finest hour, but in the end humor presides most situations. Whether folks like to admit it or not.

Any nappy headed ho that don’t like can take a drive with a drunken Indian..

(see my point)

A Puerto Rican Man:

That makes u a funny muthafcuker

A White Man:

I think my main issue here is that the sketch just isn't that funny. It's totally obvious. There is some humor there, but it's humor anyone could get out of the same source material. No edge, no nothing. It actually plays like a slightly more subtle version of what is on Mind of Mencia - which I find absolutely humor-free 99% of the time.

How all of this reflects on you is a far more interesting conversation. I think it's important to remember that stereotypes exist for a reason - and usually that reason is to make us laugh. The problem is that most people looking to exploit stereotypes for laughs go the cheap and easy route rather than telling us something new or turning a stereotype on it's head. For every great joke born from a stereotype (Q: Why did the Puerto Rican Starve to death? A: His food stamps were under his his work boots.) there are roughly 1000 "white people can't dance" or "you might be a redneck" stinkers out there. That's a double edged sword because while the easily digestible material makes it safer for really good comics to stretch the boundaries, the glut of bullshit makes really good stereotypical jokes tougher to find.

The bigger picture to me (and this may be telling about my personal racial insensitivities) is that anything CAN be funny. Which is not to say that everything is funny, but in the right hands, I can be made to laugh at anything. Just the other day I was laughing at a picture of the twin towers collapsing because someone had photoshopped Hulk Hogan kicking them down. That was funny to me.

So maybe I'm not really qualified to comment.

Black Man:
"I Egggh... I didn't think it was that funny.. wasnt that offensive either."


...and then there's me. And you already know what I think.

"A man's wife runs up to him and says, "Honey, my watch broke. I need a new one."
The man looks at his wife and says, "What's wrong with the clock on the stove?" "

Thank you and good night.