Random Thoughts

Ready? It's time for another edition of "Random Thoughts".

Instructions: Read each thought. Some you may not agree with. Some you may or may not get, depending on how in tune with my life you are. (And really, if you get everything, you're a little scary and I think we need some time apart.) You all tucked in? Heeeeere we go...


I just want to learn spanish so I can sing salsa songs and get it. When Latinos sing salsa songs (especially the slow ones) don't they look like they are saying something really DEEP? Hell..even when they are reciting reaggaeton. I know the beat is hot, but the lyrics? I know it has something to do with being proud to be Puerto Rican (because all the songs have that in them...) but how proud are you? I wann know. Or at least sound convincing when I say that part in "Hips Don't Lie". You know...towards the end.... when Shakira says "Mira en Barranquilla se baila así!". Cuz that shit just sounds hot. Yeah. That's why I want to learn it. But let's be clear. This does not mean I want to understand J.Lo's new album. Whining is whining in any language. Her husband...now THAT mutherfucker BLOWS. (In the black way...not the white way. Not "bad" meaning "bad" but "bad" meaning "good". You hip?) Anyway...yeah Mark blows...and I want to know what he's saying. And when he's banging out Jenny, does he whisper in her ear in spanish? (It happened to me once. I HIGHLY recommend this.) And when she says "Ay"...(because you have to when a Puerto Rican is banging you out...trust me.) ...does she now try to sound like Beyonce' and Shakira on "Beautiful Liar."? I would.

AND I want to be in on the joke when George Lopez does stand up. Listen to it. You'll see what I mean.

I just want to learn guitar because when I'm sad, I want to strum that shit and sing a song that matches my mood. I also want to learn as many kid songs as possible because Jayla and Vanessa are three, and to them...when I finish playing "Wheels On The Bus"...I'll be a fucking ROCK STAR. My next door neighbor is my teacher, but on ice right now and his wife avoids me...which is awkward, because I'm avoiding her at the same time. And we both know it.

Shakira sounds like shit in English.

I think the prescription in my new glasses is too strong, but I refuse to take them off becuase they look fucking great. And I realize that I only did this shit(got glasses) because I need a drastic change...which is why I get my braces next week. (Don't ask why I'm getting braces. You know why. Let's not play this game.) So it's either braces and glasses, or a tattoo on my arm and I shave my head. But the latter is so Britney Spears.

Twenty-Six songs come on the Motown 1's cd. Now, the funny thing about Motown is you never want to hear it when you conciously make a decision to play it. You only want to hear it when you stumble on that shit. OK...except "The Temptations" and "Four Tops". That shit is good no matter what. Especially "Ain't Too Proud To Beg". ("I KNOW you wanna leave me...but I refuse to let you go..." SING THAT SHIT DAMN IT! Will somebody go find "The Funk Brothers" STAT!

Amy Winehouse is the closest we've come. Sad.

Yo Momma's so fat when the Lord said, "Let there be light..." ...and there wasn't any, He sucked his teeth, looked at yo Momma and said, "Move Bitch!"

The next time I do karaoke...I'm doing "Shout". And I dare you not to join in. Triple Dog Dare you. (Name that movie.)

Love is not an act of will. So doing stupid shit in the name of it is quite beyond your control. You can't start love, or end it whenever you want it. Trust me. Had I been able to fall in love when I wanted to, with who I wanted to... I wouldn't be working right now. Church.

Who came up with "Church"? My bet is Snoop.

NOW WAAAAAAAAAAIT A MINUTE! I FEEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL RIIGHT.... (wait for it...)





YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME WANNA.....

KICK MY HEELS UP AND ...

THROW MY HEAD BACK AND ....

THROW MY HANDS UP AND ...

HEYYY-EH-AAAYYYYY....

...want me to keep going...don't you?



White people don't know they are white. OK...some of them do. But most of them don't. Crazy, right? Because everyone who isn't white is fully fucking aware they are not. ALL DAY.

I officically have a headache thanks to my glasses. But they are Vera Wang. I'm ruining my eyes for fashion. I'm turning into a gay man.

...a little bit softer now...


a little bit softer now...
a little bit softer now...
a little bit softer now...


..A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW...
A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW...
A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW...



..and I love Jude. Go to Paris baby. America doesn't appreciate you.

-Nye