For Swizzle: Charlie Murphy's Right...We Got To Do Better.

So, a few months back...after a restful vacation, I return to work and I walk in with my black co-worker.

Not one that I'm regularly cool with...you know. I don't know if she has kids or a man or is gay or anything, we just speak about the bare minimum. This means, with black folk, it’s usually about music or what Beyonce is doing. (Yeah. We touched on her. Wait for it... wait for it...)

So anyway, even though there are eight elevators available, thanks to her talking to one co-worker, me talking to another and elevator manners being what they are, we all (4) wind up in the same elevator up to the ninth floor.

"How was your weekend’s all around, and she mentions to one of the other co-workers, she'd just returned from the Essence Music Festival.

Now let me say this.

I've never...ever had the urge to go.

OK. That’s a lie. I did once. But that's when Prince performed and by that time, I'd caught him four times in the NYC area and thought I'd had enough of his tiny, redboned self.
( SIDEBAR: I learned something very important about myself that year. I can never have enough tiny, redboned self. Especially when it drops the lights and starts with an electric guitar "Question of U" solo. But this isn't about him. )

Anyway...I never wanted to go cuz...well, The Essence Music Festival seemed too damn...black.

There. I said it. It's too damn black for me and one thing I know about myself...when I'm surrounded by too much black, I can't fucking breathe.

This is not to say I don't love my people. I loves my people. Lord knows I do. I just don't like them. Not all of them. Some of them. But that number is growing.

Now, I'm not really sure when this happened. I mean, once upon a youthful time, I had NO problems with my people. I was fitting right in, with a THICK Bronx accent, no vocal audio level other than "LOUD", and no "think before you speak" button.

Take me to any black event, and I didn't so much as blink. I'd check my really long gold colored tips (yes, girl...), my brown transparent plastic text pager, and start looking for the first cutie that walked in the door. Name the event, I did it. Grants Tomb (does that still happen?), Amateur Night @ The Apollo, Greek Week, The Car Show...

By now, I think you get where I'm going with this. Yep. I was a Chickenhead.
Bronx variety.

Albeit, not a good one, cuz I wasn't giving any up. And you just can't be a Chickenhead if your a...well...chicken. Eventually, you'll be found out and forced to prove otherwise. Besides, Chickenheads were supposed to be stupid and settled for what was put in front of them, so you might say I was the Little Mermaid of Chickenheads. I wanted more...

And I'm not alone. I come from a long line of "Former New York Grade A Chickens". Examples:

J. Lo - Branding Genius. (She got every Puerto Rican chica under the age of 18 in the Boogie smelling like "Glow". Don't. Fucking. Hate.)

Rosario Dawson - Hollywood loves her...even without her tits.

Alicia Keys - Mediocre musician/songwriter. But they LOVE her. Still not quite sure why...

But what do they all have in common? Yep. FORMER CHICKENHEADS.

Oh no? Don't believe me do you? Check out how they USED to talk. Remember Alicia? That bitch was the reigning "Queen of Misplaced Preposition" and she took her title very seriously.

Rosario? When she gets fired up...watch Brooklyn come out. Don't believe me? Catch Quentin's last flick. ...WHERE BROOKLYN AT?

And J.Lo... well. She never really got rid of her shit. But she did get married, so that immediately dissolves the Chickenhead status.

I do have a point.

The point is... at some point, you gotta grow up.

You can't take BET at word and run out and get Kool-Aid Red tipped hair cuz Keisha Cole has it. It's NOT ok to wear a fucking sports jersey to an adult concert unless your game went overtime and you were startin at the Garden. It's not OK to tattoo your son's name on your neck*. (Yes...I put him on blast.)

And it's triple, stupid, dumb NOT OK to order a neon glow in the dark swizzle stick in your Hennessey at a Jill Scott concert at Radio City Music Hall. I don't give a shit if they're selling them. They're selling them cuz YOU'RE BUYING IT ASSHOLE.

See. If it was the Universal Soul Circus... fine. I expect it. Hell.
Those other souvenirs can get expensive and you got five kids. Do you.
But don't have me looking at a thousand points of light in the Orchestra section, about to have a fucking seizure, because you thought that irritating green light would show off the fact that you're drinking GOOD brown liquor. Fuck you.

It's also NOT OK to sing all the songs along with Chaka Khan so that I can't even hear her. NOT OK.

It's NOT OK to stand there making idle threats to staff for no reason.
Girl on line to get her glowing squizzle stick: "I know they better had notta run outta Alize or there's gonna be some shit in here."

No there's not, bitch. Will you sit down somewhere?

Don't you get it?

It's NOT ok to accept living in the PJ's. It's NOT ok to dress like a slob. It's NOT OK to get disability and brag about how much you get. It's NOT FUCKING OK if your son gets sent to the guidance counselor for ANYTHING. It's not OK to get a bad hair weave. It's not OK to wear clothes so tight you look like a busted can of biscuits. It's not OK to talk as loud as you can on the 1 train. It's not OK to be pregnant by another man when you're pushing a one year old in a stroller. It's not OK to buy your one year old little boy a gold chain with a big cross on it that extends down to his belly. It's not OK to buy a Coach bag when you haven't paid your rent. It's not OK to let "that nigga" pay your rent. It's not OK to lie for public assistance. It's not OK to vote for Obama "just because he's black". It's not OK not to use protection and wonder how you got HIV. It's not OK to think you can't have better. It's not OK to just want what's given to you. It's not OK to not LOVE yourself.

There's a lot that's not OK. So leave Charlie Murphy the fuck alone because he's right. We GOT to do better. We really do.

And until we stop spending up all our money on bullshit, I'm gonna keep putting us on blast. Including myself.

So here's what I did.

I cut up all my credit cards and leave my debit card at home.

If I need money, I go to the bank (remember that place?) and withdraw it because all that convenience was costing me way too much fucking money. Not just in ATM fees, but it created the illusion that I had a stash of unlimited 20 dollar bills that are at my beckoning. And that's just not the case.

I quit my other gym membership. (I belonged to two. I know. Wasteful.)

I stopped buying lunch and bring it to work daily.

This, along with a host of other really inconvenient habits I re-adopted.

Because you know what? My moms didn't have any of this shit.

Not an iPhone, cable, ATM, internet shopping, microwaves...and somehow, she always found a way to feed & clothe her 4 kids. She didn't see life as inconvenient, it was life.


More to us than what we spend and show.

So I guess my point is... please. STOP PUTTING SWIZZLE STICKS IN YOUR HEN-ROCK.
And do better. At least try.

-Nye

One more thing. It's not OK to torture animals. You sick fuck. Color, celeb status, your Momma aside. It's not OK to torture animals and make a profit off of them, and it's doubly wrong when you don't NEED the money and you're doing it for shits and giggles...you sick fuck. Lost your job? Bankrupt in ten years? Oh fucking well.

And You're Upset About "Nappy Headed Ho"?

Not to piss you off...just to open your eyes for a second.

Umm... did you have any idea there are THIS MANY slurs out there?

Sticks and stones people. Sticks and stones.

(Some of them are actually pretty funny.) Ready?


Alligator bait
(U.S.) also "Gator Bait." A black person, especially a black child. More commonly used in states where alligators are found — particularly Florida. First used in the early 1900s[clarify], although some hypothesize the term originated in the late 1800s[clarify].[1] (The phrase may have lost any racial connotation at all among fans of the Florida Gators, for whom it simply means "a rival team who loses or will lose to the Gators.)
Alabama porch monkey
A black Male
Ann
A white woman to a black person — or a black woman who acts too much like a white one. While Miss Ann, also just plain Ann, is a derisive reference to the white woman, by extension it is applied to any black woman who puts on airs and tries to act like Miss Ann.[2]
Ape
(U.S.) a black person.[3]
Aunt Jemima / Aunt Jane / Aunt Mary / Aunt Sally / Aunt Thomasina
(U.S. Blacks) a black woman who "kisses up" to whites, a "sellout", female counterpart of Uncle Tom.[4]
Boogie
a black person. Referring to "Boogie Woogie" form of jazz? Could come from W. African "Buuker" or "Buckra", meaning "Devil", "Boogie man" or "White Man". Turned around and used against Blacks by Whites.[5]
Buffie
a black person.[6]
b. (U.S. black) a young, brown-skinned person 1940s–1950s[7]
Bush Boogie
a black person. Derived from alleged jungle origins.[8]
Colored
(U.S.) a Black person. Now typically considered disrespectful, this word was more acceptable in the past. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, for example, continues to use its full name unapologetically. Some black Americans have reclaimed this word and softened it in the expression "a person of color".
Coloured
(South Africa) a community of mixed origin, including Khoikhoi and Asian slaves, not derogatory but the normal term for this community
(UK Commonwealth) a black person (while not usually intended to be offensive, the term is not regarded as acceptable by many black people)[9]
Coon
(AUS, U.S. & U.K) a black person. Possibly from Portuguese barracoos, a building constructed to hold slaves for sale. (1837).[10]
Crow
a black person,[11] spec. a black woman.
Gable
a black person.[6]
Golliwogg
(UK Commonwealth) a dark-skinned person, after Florence Kate Upton's children's book character [12]
Jigaboo, jiggabo, jijjiboo, zigabo, jig, jigg, jiggy, jigga
(U.S. & UK) a black person (JB) with stereotypical black features (dark skin, wide nose, etc.).[13]
J: A person of the jewish faith, also used as a verb

Jim Crow
(U.S.) a black person; also the name for the segregation laws prevalent in much of the United States until the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s.[14]
Jim Fish
(South Africa) a black person[15]
Jungle Bunny
(U.S.) a black person. Jungle is referred to their jungle origins and bunny is referred to some people saying that jack rabbits looked like 'lynched' black people. [16]
Kaffir, kaffer, kaffir, kafir, kaffre
(South Africa) a. a black person. Very offensive. Usage: Kaffir Boy was a famous autobiographical book by Mark Mathabane about his childhood in South Africa. (The South African Consul General in Lethal Weapon 2 calls Danny Glover a kaffir and Mel Gibson a 'kaffir lover'.) b. also caffer or caffre: a non-Muslim. c. a member of a people inhabiting the Hindu Kush mountains of north-east Afghanistan. Origin is from the Arab word kafir meaning 'infidel' used in the early Arab trading posts in Africa. The term passed into modern usage through the British, who used the term to refer to the mixed groupings of people displaced by Shaka when he organized the Zulu nation. These groups (consisting of Mzilikaze, Matiwani, Mantatisi, Flingoe, Hottentot, and Xhosa peoples inhabited the region from the Cape of Good Hope to the Limpopo river) fought the British in the Kaffir Wars 1846–1848, 1850–1852, and 1877–1878.)[17][18] See also Kaffir (Historical usage in southern Africa)
Leroy, LeRoy, Leeroy, LeeRoy
Given name allegedly common among black people.
Macaca
Epithet used to describe a Negro (originally) or a person of North-African origin (more recently). Came to public attention in 2006 when U.S. Senator George Allen infamously used it to describe a person of Indian descent. [19]
Mammy or Mammy Woman
(U.S.) an unflattering term for a mature black woman — usually subservient (term popularized by Al Jolson in song and film), a pop culture example is Hattie McDaniel's character in Gone with the Wind for which she won the Academy Award[20]
Monkey
(UK) a black person.[21]
Mosshead
a black person.[6]
Munt
(among whites in South Africa, Zimbabwe, and Zambia) a black person from muntu, the singular of Bantu[22]
Mustard seed
(U.S.) a light-skinned person with one white and one black parent[23]
Milada,/ half black, half white person. Oreo: Cookie:.
Nego / negão / negalháda
(Brazil)
Nig-nog or Nig Jig
(UK & U.S.) a black person.[24]
Nigger / nigra / nigga / niggah / nigguh / nigglet
(U.S., UK) a black person. From the word negro which means the color black in numerous languages. Diminutive appellations include "Nigg", "Nigz". The terms "Nigga" and "Niggaz" (plural) are frequently used between African-Americans without the negative associations of "Nigger."
Nigger baby
(U.S. Military) obsolete: a type of large cannonball [first used in the 1870s][25]
Niggerhead
1.)an isolated coral head: these are often a navigation hazard in coral reef areas. Also called a bommie. 2.) a species of tobacco plant (appears in Mark Twain's "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn").
Nigger shooter
a slingshot[26]
Niglet
A young black kid.
Nigra / negra / niggra / nigrah / nigruh
(U.S.) offensive for a black person [first used in the early 1900s][27]
Nigre
(Caribbean)
Pint of Guinness / Mr. Guinness etc.
A black person with white or very fair hair, so called due to the drink Guinness, which has a black body and a white head.
Powder burn
a black person.[6]
Porch Monkey
A black person
Puddle Jumper
black person
Quashie
a black person.[6]
Sambo
(U.S.) a derogatory term for an African American, Black, or sometimes a South Asian person.[28][29]
Smoked Irish / smoked Irishman
(U.S.) 19th century term for Blacks (intended to insult both Blacks and Irish).[6]
Sooty
a black person [originated in the U.S. in the 1950s][30]
Spade
(U.S.) a black person
Spear Chucker
(U.S.) a black person
Tar baby
(UK; U.S.; and N.Z.) a black child.[31] See Tar baby.
Teapot
(British) a black person. [1800s][32]
Thicklips
a black person.[6]
Uncle Tom
(U.S. minorities) term for an African-American, Latino, or Asian who panders to white people; a "sellout" (from the title character of Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin.)
Zebra
(U.S.) an often self-referential or affectionate term applied those with parents of mixed race, specifically black and white. The term was further popularized by the 1992 film Zebrahead.


Funny. Nappy Headed Ho isn't even on the list. If I were Imus, I'd be PISSED!