Freedom - Let The Challenge BEGIN!

"Close the shop, let's take a drive. Take a break from 9 -5. It's so great to be alive...oh yeah."
- "Strollin'" Prince & The New Power Generation

I've always wanted to pop in this song and just...drive. Preferably up North somewhere. The route has to be scenic and the company...more than willing to sing along.

However, at thirty-(cough cough) years old, I fully realize why I haven't accomplished this goal.

It's because I'm a pussy.

Sure. I can jump on a turbulant flight to Vegas at the last minute and let fate decide if I pay rent on time next month...

However. Put me in the drivers seat of any automobile and ask me to back it up a few feet...and something happens.

My palms begin to sweat.
Heart pounds.
I get visions of slamming on the gas, when I meant to hit the break.
...in reverse, when I meant to go forward.

The steering wheel slips and I run over a old lady with a shopping cart.

OR WORSE...

I bang up somebody's car and they will constantly point out the "ding"...and re-tell the story by saying, "Yeah. I was helping Nyree out. Teaching her to drive and she slammed on the gas insted of the break...."

OK. I'm not that bad.

I CAN operate an (automatic) car. I know this much...
(Check mirrors for animals, old ladies...)
+
1) Turn it on by turning the key in the ignition.
2) Foot on the break, take it out of neutral.
3) Put it into drive, foot off the break, on the gas.
4) Don't slam down... press gently on the gas..
5) Steer.

It's when other cars have to nerve to want to drive near me, I get nervous.

..VERY nervous.

Now, Dana (my older sister) has let me drive her cars for years...in parking lots.
And when I say years, I mean...YEARS. (I've had my permit renewed twice. Sad. I know.)
Ex's...friends...Dad...you name it. They've all tried to help me.
And in the end, Nyree still hails cabs and can tell you how to get ANYWHERE by Subway. ANYWHERE.

So one winter, after a break-up, I decided I was gonna get my freedom (damn it!).
I was gonna get a drivers license. (Finally.)

So I enrolled in driving school.
I took three lessons....instructed by a very nice old man with a very calm, soothing voice, who loved reading his newspaper.

"OK.", he'd say. "Now make a left here. Nice. Nice. Now make a right. Very good. Very good." Then he'd go back to his paper.

"Ummm...do you want me do anything? Park?"

"Nope. Just drive till you can't anymore and turn when you have to."

And so I did.

I mastered the "drive till you can't anymore and turn when you have to."

However, I did NOT master parallel parking.

OK. I did. Sorta.

I can get in a parking spot like nobody's business....it's getting out that's tricky.

The day of my road test, I truly believed I had this shit in the bag.

The very nice old man with the soothing calming voice suddenly turned into "Coach" from "Cheers".

"You have nothing to worry about. As a matter of fact, if you worry, you'll fail. So don't worry. Don't worry. Are you worried?"

"Yes."

"Good. You should be. Kidding! Kidding...don't worry kid. You'll be great."

And I was great...till the tester didn't watch his tone. God.
NOTHING urks me more than a prick in a position of power.

"Pull OFF Miss..."

"I can't. There's a car coming." (car passes.)

"There's no car coming NOW, is there? What are you waiting for?"

At this time, I could just see my drivers license spreading wings and flying away from me.

Despite this...I drove as instructed. Exaggerated my glances, so he could see I was looking...explained why I did everything. I was a model driver.

Time to parallel park and mind you..I'm two feet from the curb thanks to left-over hardened snow. And I STILL parked that bitch! WHAT!

...I pull out...way out. Too way out... and suddenly, the tester slams on the breaks.

"Head back to the testing site please."

"It's over?"

"Head back to the testing site please."

"But I didn't u-turn..."

"You lost control of the car."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"If I did, we'd be dead, wouldn't we? You didn't need to slam on the breaks. No need to overreact."

"Head back to the testing site Miss."

"Sure. Sir"

...Needless to say, I failed.


And I hate failing. Especially at the mercy of a prick in power.
ESPECIALLY at the mercy of a prick in power who's trying to deny me my freedom.

However, I fell back into my old habits.

Cabs. Subway. Other people driving.

But no more.

Now...I will get my freedom. (Please resist the urge to sing "We Shall Overcome". )

And here's the thing.

I know most of you...(born and raised in the City) don't have your license either.
And I'm not sure what your story is...but feel free to tell me.

However, no matter the story...things are about to change.

You've been there through my strive to finish a race, rid myself of toxins, improve my credit. Be a better Nyree.

Now... I urge you to join me in this 8 week task.

Get your freedom. And here's how.

For the next 8 weeks...we are going to embark in an epic quest. (Sounds dramatic...huh?)

THIS WEEKS MISSION:
Get the NYS Drivers Manual...and read it.

Where Nyree? Where do I get this magical book?
Start here.

http://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/index.htm

Don't get all crazy looking at forms and shit...all you need is your nearest DMV location.

AND if you work in Manhattan (and you probably do...) you can drop by the DMV-Xpress on 34th street and cop the book real quick.

Now. Once you get it... read it.

I mean, really dig in. Act like it's (women) porn (men) porn.

Take the quizzes at the end of each chapter. And next week...well...that's next week.

But don't worry...you won't be alone.


OK. So the challenge has begun.

Get the book. Start reading...and I'll see you next week.

(It's gonna be fun. You know if I promise fun...it's gonna happen.)

-Nye